Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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