You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
