I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
