he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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