do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
