so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
