winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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