I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
