He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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