Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
