I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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