kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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