Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
