great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
