Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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