i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
