I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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