and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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