I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
