I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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