Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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