Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
