I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
