11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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