aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
