I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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