she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
