Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
