Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
