I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
