a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
