I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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