A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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