you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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