Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
