I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
