i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
