dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
