Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
