saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
