his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
