Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
