i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
