i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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