Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
