I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
