We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
