I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
