Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
