Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
