dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
