Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
