Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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