just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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