I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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