just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
